Just now, I realized that it is hard to write the last post in a month, knowing that it is going to be pushed away for next month. This month contained some progress but not as much as I hoped for. That is just how is plays sometimes, although I could have made some better decisions. So I am looking forward again, wondering where I will be and what will be true the next time I have to write the last post of a month, only July will tell.

I promise something with substance on Friday...

Originally Written on Saturday, August 14 2004 - 5:11 PM

Sometimes it is hard to win. I suppose this is really just a different way of saying a "lose-lose" situation. A specific hard to win situation comes to mind when I think of these phrases.

Let us say you feel as though you have been wronged by someone and they do not realize it, but if they did, they would be genuinely apologetic. The reason this is a lose lose is as such, upon confronting them they would apologize and you would be forced to question the other party's honesty. Very often, as humans, we do not take instant reciprocation or actions as genuine. We feel as if they cannot fully absolve the wrong because they could not have fully understood it yet. Since we know that in most cases they will apologize, it can seem pointless to even have the conversation because we know how they will answer. In other words we will already question their intent before they know there is even a reason to. You, being the person who feels hurt, will never be fully satisfied, and likely there is nothing they could ever do to quench this thirst for things to be set right. In this way it is only with a great measure of faith, hope, and love that you must learn to forgive and believe them.

I go through spurts of realizing and understanding certain abstract ideas. Sometimes I am aware of these ideas and other times, and more often, the ideas do not even cross my mind. One of these is the concept, the reality that everyone I know actually exists right now somewhere other than here. (I'm sure I will not represent this well, but the idea has been on my mind a lot recently.) It is interesting to me to realize this. To realize that every moment of every day every person that I have called friend is in their world as much as I am in mine. I guess sometimes I forget that there is anything beyond what I can see. Of course it is not as though I really believe or consciously think that the world is not any bigger than what is in front of me, but simply not acknowledging anything else than my world, makes it the most important. This is natural, otherwise we would never live our own lives, we would be constantly burdened with everything else happening every where at once, which would not be healthy.

I think it is easier for me to accept this when people are across the country or the world, rather than in the same city. It is strange to know someone is around everyday, every minute but unless you are invited in to their life you have not any idea what their everyday has been or is like. I suppose what I find to be beneficial is that this helps me to keep in thought and prayer the people that I love. Also it helps to realize that my reality, my world is not the reality and the world. There is more to life than my problems, short comings and desires. It is important to remember that everyone exists all the time, even when you cannot see or experience them, it is at the very least a large bit of perspective, which we all need from time to time.

Often we wish that things would not stay the way they are, that they would change. After all this is a basic definition of change, to make or become different or to transform. Why is change so difficult sometimes? It feels like it is impossible with certain patterns, with a shortcoming or consistent failing, to make it different. These are moments you know well. Decisions with which a simple yes or no, or perhaps simply not deciding cost a great deal. You know them so well that you imagine change will be easy. "Next chance I get, I am going to." The next chance comes and goes and still you convince yourself that the next time I will be strong enough, have more resolve, whatever it is.

Now there are two things to say about this. You can not change very much permanently on your own, we need to rely on God first and foremost and on others as well for true encouragement and strength, and that is more than trite rubbish. Second: for something to change, something has to change. I am certain some of you are sure you knew that before you read it. We usually miss that there is more to change than the precisely isolated decision or event which we desire transformation for. It is this connection to other pieces of our lives, other decisions, which concern me. In order to change, something has to change. If you want things to be different, they cannot stay the same. A simplistic example seems in order. If you want to start eating better you cannot do it by deciding to right as you are about to make a meal, you must first shop appropriately. Let us say you want to eat less, than you may not want to make as much, it is likely if it has been prepared you will finish it. Now these are simple compared to the things we usually want to change, but you get the point. Change means change. It is foolish to believe that everything else in our lives can remain as they are, and one decision will be different. We all want something to be different than it is. I challenge you to also figure out what else needs to change in order to facilitate a real transformation, and give it a try. I am this week, and I hope to have something more to say about it soon. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Originally Written on Friday July 2 2004 - 10:18 AM (Central)

It seems that always on the heels of adoration of friends and people, who God masterfully created, comes the lies of self. It is to often for my taste a 'struggle' to keep on just being there for people without wondering where my attention, where my affection is.
"After all", the lie says, "Don't I deserve it." Ultimately this tends only to leave me upset, and not because my attention never comes, but because I cannot seem to break free of this ridiculous pattern. I let it affect how I see people and, more importantly, it intoxicates my ability to further love these people.

All I can say is that it is not what I want. Perhaps only unceasing prayer and reminders of Truth will do any bit of good in changing this pattern that I have grown very weary and tired of. I know I have very little power on my own.

"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but love well. Learn to love appropriately... Live a lovers life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus would be proud of..."




Listening to ''Classical-The Royal Tenenbaums- Ravel - String Quartet In F Major (Second Movement)'', by Ysaye Quartet (Play Count: 4)
Listening to ''Float On'', by Modest Mouse (Play Count: 2)

The other day I was thinking about scenarios where the odds are against the participants.
The lotto is the most obvious example. The chances of winning are literally millions to one, the bigger the jackpot, the slimmer the chances. I was just trying to have a reason to think that insurmountable odds are just that. As I was getting further into this way of thinking, that is, trying to apply this to other impossible odds, a little voice would not let me off with such a realistic view. "People Do Win the Lotto", it said. It is true, despite all the fantastic odds against it, people do win. Just like people build successful businesses, careers, or accomplish mental or physical tasks, all in the face of odds massively weighted against them.

Am I saying we all should start buying lotto tickets?
Of course not.

However the next time you start to feel like something is improbable or impossible remember:
People Do Win the Lotto.

It seems to me that with God for us,
in each of your owns ways,
that one in a million will be you.


p.s. - there is one set of new pictures, it is only 9, and they are not of anything in particular, just a theme that has developed in some of the subject I find myself shooting...

"It makes a lot of sense." This seems to be all that some people need to determine whether or not something is true or worth our thought and consideration. Recently Alan and I determined that something had some elements of truth, that is some true observations but that it largely lacked any stable and reliable conclusions. In part this is because the mere elements of truthful observation of people, with no proper basis for really understanding them (i.e.- were we come from, what we are here for, the 5 big philosophical questions and answers), does nothing to actually explain the human condition and must be, because of its sandy foundation, miles away from Truth.

We had verbally expressed this, but in less articulate terms, I believe what we said was that this certain idea was "trash". It is entertaining how those who have had a hard time accepting the existence of absolute realities (these people are not necessarily abstract either by the way) get down right ticked if you seem to let on that there are absolutes. In effect calling this "trash" garnered this reaction. A reaction which went something like this, "It is not trash. It makes a lot of sense!" This argument, as it was used, is quite comical to me. As if something making sense would always mean that it is great or true. In truth many opposing ideas make sense.
For example it once made sense that since we see that birds can fly with wings , if we fashion wings for ourselves we should fly as well, many men have had this idea and gave it a shot. It also makes sense that we cannot fly on our own, especially because we have failed at attempts to do so. Now there is one piece of these that change them drastically, context. Before we knew a great deal about physics men made wings strapped to their arms and tried to flap them to take off. Now we know that we cannot do this, this is why the notion seems ridiculous even though it was only 100 years ago that men were trying to fly with homemade wings.

"It makes a lot of sense" to me that context is everything in this phrase. Unless two people can agree on the context of humanity, in this case, and who we are in relation to God and each other, than making sense will not mean the same thing to either of them. This is why it is a bad argument, it does not actually have a foundation in fact, and is in fact relative in nature. The problem is that once an argument becomes relative, which remember using this phrase essentially will always make it, than both people can be and ought to be right.

Even the murderer thinks that they make sense, even if only for moments, or they likely would not do it. The way we need to discuss and argue things should have nothing to do with the sense of it, but the deeper, foundational, and underlying truths, or lack there of.

Originally Written on July 1 2004 - Thursday 9:42 AM (Central Time Zone)

We are home visiting after two months away in Californ-i-a. Last night we saw / hung out with AnneMarie and Molly Ritchie and of course Noah and Mrs. Ritchie made appearances here and there, but were just passing through.

What a great reminder of what home really means. I do believe that in some way or another the mid-west / Chicago will hold a piece of the truest thing that the word home can ever mean for myself. Alan and I found ourselves asking, What have we done without Ritchies?

The same applies to all the people we can call friends or honorary family back here. Staying with the Burns' has been amazing, they are so fun to be around, generous, and hospitable. Seeing the Gogots' and meeting Mary's grandpa hilarious. We will likely see Margaret tonight, which I am excited about.

It is a collection of experiences, history, and connections with people that make this home. Out side of facilitation it is largely unrelated to having had a house here for 20 years (5 in Schaumburg and 15 in Glendale Hts.) More importantly I think the older you grow the more you need this type of home and community a great deal more than you need merely a house. It is without this concept, without these connections that the human heart grows unsatisfied and more vulnerable to the great many lies that assault it every day.

We are going to the Desert for the weekend to visit our Nana and Papa, and the rest of our family out there. We are leaving sooner than I thought so there is no time for a post about anything besides that we are going and a mention of the events of yesterday. Last night we went to hang out with Whitney for the first time this summer, its good to laugh so hard your cheeks get sore. That is how I realize that I must not smile as much and laugh as much out here. Mostly because the people who I can laugh with are elsewhere, and the few people we have met out here who I would call friend, I do not get to see very often, as they are busy. The point is whenever a friend comes in to visit or we get one back for a few months, I realize how good it is is to smile and laugh until you turn red and your face hurts. It certainly is good medicine and some I could use more of, and hope to aid in the administering of some myself to others whenever possible.

Love you all, have a great weekend, enjoy the people God has given you,

(I apologize for the length, I promise to return to more concise thoughts after this.
Only read this if you find the subject as interesting as I do.)

Originally Written on Wednesday, May 19 2004 - 10:05 AM

As a further exploration of the topic of dating and relationships I must dive into a concept that I have recently been confronted with. It has been brought to my attention, as an argument against my ideas / ideals, that the way I think about dating and relationships may not hold true for every person because it may be in their personality type to consistently be in a relationship. To put it in other words, that they cannot help but be dating somebody because it is they way they are wired. Of course, the additional assumption is that I am only behaving the way I do because of my personality.

At first, the only argument against this I could think of to combat this is that personality in relation to how we treat the opposite sex has a great deal more to do with pre-conditioning or nurture and is less of a fact concerning their real personality or nature. This may be true, but it is not a complete or satisfactory answer. Upon further evaluation, I found myself asking of personality, nature or nurture, so what? What difference does it make? Even, what sort of excuse is this?

Certainly any reasonable mind can understand the following,
but we certainly should be able to understand this as Jesus followers.

If we do not believe in a better way of doing things than what do we believe?

Here is an example. It may come very easily to someone, and their personality, to lash out in anger, but once they are redeemed, they should ask God for a new perspective so that instead of anger, they respond in grace and love. Let me bring this closer to the subject of relationships. Let us say that Dave has become quite the ladies man. When he goes out with a girl he always ends up spending the night. Then Dave decides to follow Jesus. It would be expected of him to change this pattern of behaviour, not only because, as most would agree, it is wrong, but more importantly that as our creator God knows how we are designed, and wants the better and best way for us within that framework. Again I say, this is no call to strip life of personality, or make everyone the same until we all drink the kool-aid, it is these ideas that allow us to truly become who we are meant to be, not the post-curse affectations we often are.

These examples are extreme, but the same is true in even the seemingly small things.
More is expected of us than mere living out of personality. Which brings me to two final points.

One, discussing personality is never the excuse, but a window into who someone is, and more often what they need to work on. In truth, the subject of personality is only the beginning of the question, not the answer. The question it should raise is who am I now and what can I see needs to change in my pursuit of God's way, the best way. (On a side note this relates directly to loving correctly, which may come more naturally to some, for most of us it does not and there is always more to learn, so we must think of and work on God's way of love.) Second, we need to always be asking and evaluating what is the best way in all things. Especially in relationships, as people and relationships are the most important, and truly the only eternal piece of our daily lives.
I challenge you to always be rethinking and asking for, and truly chasing after the very best in all things.

This is a rare thing for me, to write something about housing markets or the like, but it is recently on my mind and I am out of a period right now of thinking philosophically about things, which I cycle through sometimes. I think i just need to get out more sometimes, its when I am around people or new things I get to thinking about the strangest things, which lead to more important ideas.

Anyway, yesterday Alan, our father, and I went up to see some model homes in Calabasas. The community is called the Oaks, and it is under ten minutes from where we are now but it feels like it is a world a way because the streets are wide, the homes are new, and it is placed with amazing views of the valley and hills all round. So there are 9 models open, and as well as selling the homes for future phases, they are in the process of selling the models, as is. That means all of the upgrades and decorating and furniture, hand painted wooden beams on the cieling, the pools, the fountains, fully integrated lighting controls and temperature, and home theaters in some cases. As well as all the appliances, such as the fridges, wine coolers, etc. As it goes allot of the homes were nice but there was one that was perfect, the layout, the size, not to big, but not small. It had a theatre and courtyard, the decorating was amazing and the furniture not cheap. Anyway, the price for this 4500 sq. ft. model as is, 2.7 Million.

Now to you IL readers this sounds like a fortune. Its time for a CA housing Market education. My parents were looking at houses in Burbank, the average home there is 1100 sq. ft. and was built in the 50's often with no updating or remodeling. Drum roll please......these 1100 sq. ft. homes sell for nearly $700,000. Now if you do the math between the two houses, the fully furnished, 4500 sq. ft., pool, low e glass, upgraded everything, floor, paint jobs, counter tops, verses the 1100 sq. ft. 50's house, with old windows(not good for energy costs), old pipes(health risk), old carpet, no furniture, no appliances, etc., you get a nasty picture. If you do the math, the Burbank house is actually a bit more expensive, you see, the burbank house is nearly 640$ per sq. foot, and the Oaks house is $600 approx., which is a better deal without any furniture, but it is fully furnished and decorated.

The fascinating moral is that it is actually more expensive to buy the Burbank house, it only costs more money to get the Oaks house. Its ironic to me that it is more "material", that is a bigger waste of resources to buy the cheaper house, and once you add up the cost differential when you have to fix the old house up, get it re-piped and change the windows, update the air conditioning to energy star standards, it will not even be close. The final killer is that the new one is the better investment, it will appreciate in value quicker. Suffice to say if we had the money/income to do it we would have bought the house yesterday. Maybe in two years I suppose, for now it does not look good. I wonder though, the house we are renting now is 1700 sq. ft. which is 1000 less than our house in IL, where are we going to fit everyone and thing in an 1100 sq. ft. house, welcome to Los Angeles.

p.s.-i hope that was at least a education about an area many of you may not be familiar with, housing in general or what the market for houses is like in other high profile areas of the country. i dont mean it to be a depressing tale either, although it slightly is, it is just reality here.

Look at that number 1.
It says allot about this day.
To me there is promise in it.

What will I learn this month?
Where will I be when it is over?
What will have changed, what is the same?

I really feel like I do not know,
...................and that is exciting.
My only wish is that it does not
zip by so fast that I do not have
time to enjoy the moments,
or even notice them as they occur.

Sometimes you can feel that a period of time has gravity,
that it will be important in very many regards.
This month is one of them.
Today is the first.