I came across this recently. I wrote this the period after chapel where they aired the Jr/Sr video in the spring of 2002, which will not mean anything to some of you, but it is essentially immediate reflections on any mistake that hurts a friend. It is written here as I wrote that day. Also this is a reminder to me of those people who I will always call friend.


Every person has the ability to do good and evil. One thing we say, do, or even sometimes think, can change the course of our lives and more often than not the people around us.

Wisdom and maturity is the ability to make the correct, good choices, and then, when we screw up, learning from those mistakes.

Who I am now is not who I was and that is the difference between now and then.

To hope the best for someone is simply not assuming that they are the same.

I have a good heart. I thought I wanted to do the right thing and what is good for other people, sometimes though it is to easy to get lost along the way.

That is why doing it on your own, becoming more patient or loving, doesn't work, because we become disillusioned by our own ability to change and then while we are focused on changing ourselves for the better we are thinking of ourselves and not others. That same attitude then, for good, in times of trouble, will switch to negative self serving attitudes which ultimately hurts others. That is why we must rely on God for our life, for our heart change, then we have the focus turned outward not inward, and also we have the ultimate source of those qualities fueling and feeding us. That is when we see genuine selfless growth.

Love is not convenient. Friendship is not convenient.

In spite of this being the case, how often do we treat it like it is, or should be.
Something tied to our own comfort, our own ease of accesability.

I am not suprised by this. We are all taught to draw boundries, we are all told that it is healthy. DO not let people walk all over you! Do not let them take advantage of you! The modern focus on self-esteem makes us think that we need to be concerned about me first. We are even told that if we do not love ourselves we cannot love others, there may be truth in this, but there is no excuse.


Even the people we are friends with tell us not to go out of our way. It is not hard to believe how easily we fold up and agree not to. Naturally we want to look after ourselves the most, so it takes very little to sway us or be convinced.

Quit calculating.
Quit trying to figure out what is the most practical solution.
Quit trying to find the 'easy to reach' answers to friendship.
Quit quitting when it gets hard. It will be hard somedays.

Do take the extra trips. Let your gifts be completely un-practical.
Give your time. Let others have access to and give your strength or your beauty. Listen closely, and remember that which is close to your friends hearts. Use your talents. Think of which specific things make the people God has given to you them.

Love ought to be extravagent. Profuse, exceeding reasonable bounds, extremely abudant. This is how we have been loved, and sought after. Friends and love are not for your convenience, but you can be available to be theirs. I have made the mistake of trying to calculate and also made some friends, friends of convenience.
It is a wrong I want to learn to right. I am really writing this to myself as a reminder, and prayer: that God would teach/remind me what real love is actually like.

We are in the midst of an epic battle.

I know that most days it is hard to believe, but somewhere in between worrying about bills, what to wear, and career there it is. A battlefield. Right pitted against wrong. Good men working to change or stop the will of evil men. What has become cliche is still true. The only thing needed for what is wrong to continue is for those who know right to stand by idle.

I am trying to look for this fight in everything. Not to literally fight, of course, but to start to understand what is at stake and the subtle tools and battles the enemy wages and often wins because we do not even see that it is happening. This happens in our own hearts, I know because it happens in my heart. No large pronouncements, no battle horn, just small bits of our hearts, increasingly large chunks of the freedom we are offered, we give up. It is this is at stake. The hearts of God's most valued creations. I urge you to stay connected to the vine at whatever the cost, and be aware of the attacks on those God has put into your life. Ask for these things.

For it is life we are after. True life, abundant life.
Freedom as the word is defined.
These are the gifts we are given.
I want to truly know what these words mean.
We cannot do it alone.
I have tried and it only ends in failure.

Please look to do right, and for the right reasons.
May you all know true hope, abundant faith, and love beyond reason.
If any of you would like prayer about something
leave a comment, or e-mail at joel@rosewoodat5th.com
even if we have not talked in a long time or I even know you the option in there,

With Love...




(P.S. - I am not sure about the rest of the album
but check out this song from WIllie Nelson's Latest, Countryman.)

Listening to ''The Harder They Come'', by Willie Nelson (Play Count: 2)

Music is a fantastic invention. It is fun to listen to and even more fun to play.

Anyways I was just listening to some, and talking about song-writing and enjoying it.

One more thing, if anyone reading this has never heard or picked up
The Cardigans album from last year titled "Long Gone Before Daylight",
I recommend that you go check it out. It is full of solid tunes and production. I can almost guarantee that you will find it enjoyable and thematic for whatever season of life you are in.

Love and Peace,

I was thinking about this and I realized that a big part of what I am talking about is actually about coming back to the person who has removed themselves. That is to keep extending yourself to them as a friend. The opposite of this and the natural reaction is to not ever return to them, even if they try to come back to you as a friend, because your pride was hurt, etc. That is all, I just wanted to add that it is more than just a benign in activity, but a pro active attempt to maintain hope and love bigger than feelings for your friends.

Originally Written on Monday March 14 2005 - 2:24 PM.

It is better to always assume the best of a friend. It is yet another case in which you will never be in the wrong. If you hastily jump to a conclusion you will only show the depth of your character, the selfish base of your friendship, and risk the inevitability of hurting one who you claim to love. It is better than, in the instance of a friend who has not returned calls or mail, to let them be as long as possible. Which is longer than is natural. By giving them space and time, you, once they return as a friend and to the world around them, become a true friend. Not someone who, when seemingly ignored, becomes upset and angered because of what you are missing out on, or at how rude a gesture their silence seems.

Of course you must balance this with concern and wanting to be there for them.
This is not a thought for situations in which you ignore them simply because it is easier than engaging in a conflict or their personal problem(s), I trust you are all smart enough to discern.

In this way, the pay off will be greater than the silence, and if they never do come back, offer your friendship still and leave it at that. You have lost nothing, but at a great minimum, have gained character.

Leave it to Los Angeles. Last night Alan and I watched about an hour of a varying speed chase. This is not so unusual here in LA. What was unusual is that this was a stolen, 16 total wheel, semi truck. The scene is like that of a movie, maybe they were shooting one, just to get that real feel. There were two police helicopters with what they call night sun, at least 5 news helicopters, 3 immediate CHP officers, with more blocking traffic etc., and unsuspecting motorists not knowing what to do. There was a point where it seems as though two others cars thought they were being chased so they sped up instead of pulling off. The final bit of outrageousness is that if the tanks were fully loaded on this stolen/hijacked big rig it could drive for 1200-1500 miles approx. We only saw an hour and then the news went off, I do not know how long it went on for but the word indefinitely comes to mind. There is just not much you can do tactically do a big rig truck except run it out of gas or reason with the human contents. All I have to say is only in LA. This is why you have move here for a while but leave before you turn crazy.

I sometimes wonder what people are trying to accomplish with certain sentiment. I was discussing the market today with my father and he remarked that everyone he has talked to about the sorts of trading we are doing, tells him they do not know anyone who has made any money at it. What I cannot figure out is why people would respond in such a way. My initial reaction is that they must be saying that perhaps you should quit while you are ahead and not fail as you are destined to. I cannot accept this as an answer though, it seems to me that for every thing that men have succeeded at some men have also failed. I thought to ask these people what it is they do, ask them if they know anyone in there field who has been let go because of poor performance and than ask them how, in the face of failure, they can keep on pursuing their career.

My next thought is that they are warning you to be cautious, but then I wonder about the general tone of this warning. It is not typically one of friendly caution. Maybe they are just "making conversation." Perhaps it is motivated by jealousy. Maybe it is that they would rather you not be in the minority and succeed because you will outperform the people they know, or even more plausible and closer to home, you try something that they do not have the courage to. Maybe that is why they are so familiar with all the people who have failed, after all, the failures support their ability to say "I am right not to take the risk, look at how many have failed."

There are many things that this sentiment applies to, many ways in which people make these sorts of statements. Whether you want to be and actor or musician or start your own business. I have no conclusion. It just struck me as odd that people seem to know failure stories so well and are so ready and able to share them. Maybe it is all these things. As for our success or not, only time will tell.

Originally Written on Friday, March 18 2005 at 11:56 AM

I find proof of the inflated role sex plays in our modern world every where.
An example. The other day I listened as a few people sat around discussing marriage and whether or not two people would get married, and then why they may or may not end up getting married. Now these people being discussed already live together, so this argument was made, "why would they marry if they already have put everything out on the table?" Of course in reference to sex. This may in fact be a valid point but not the best point and is outside my point. By making sex the highest aim of marriage the person who has posed this question has demonstrated the inflated nature of sex. There is more to marriage than sex and likely more to sex than we can understand in our finite minds. Once again we have taken one aspect of something to lightly and the other side of the same issue to seriously.
These scales are tipped when it comes to sex.

In response to this question the other party proposed this question specifically was a moral question and one asked from a background of faith, essentially saying there is no reason this couple should be deprived of sex before marriage. After all they do not share this view that is merely a religious stance. Is this not what our popular culture implies, that we should all have access to sex whenever we want it, as it is our right, unless, of course, you should have something as unfortunate as a sexual hang up or moral issue, than you ought to feel guilty.

This first outlook shows sex inflated as the end in the means of marriage, and our second outlook proves to be an even higher inflation because it proposes that nothing should separate us from something that, if truly evaluated, is held in nearly the same regard as eating. We should get it whenever we are hungry and/or bored, and there should be nothing restraining us from having it in unlimited amounts. I am certain you all can think of even more obvious examples, from t.v. or music or your friends, of how largely inflated a role sex plays in our lives, it is important to understand this in order to avoid a blind wholesale endorsement of it, on any level, in our own hearts and minds.

There are times when so much changes that there is nothing you can say that will be as important as the events themselves. In this instance, since Wednesday, another terrorist attack, news about a big change in a good friends life, taking on more financial responsibility for the family, trying to change things in my own mind and heart, and a few other things escaping me at this moment. I have nothing important to say, just that a lot is moving and for the better, with this I am pleased, besides the situation in London.

On a side note, yet again I had a great idea of what I wanted to write last night, I did not write down a reminder and now I do not know, this is the second time I have written that I have done this, and I cannot count how many times I have done this and not addressed it. The lesson; it is a healthy practice to write worthy ideas down, at the very least they will serve as a reminder of who you once were compared to who have become or perhaps who you say you want to be. Our past ideas can teach us a great deal about ourselves once we have long forgotten that we ever thought them.

Until next time.
May you know true peace and real love,
and may your heart be held captive by Jesus.



Listening to ''Diamonds Are Forever (Remix) Feat. Jay-Z'', by Kanye West

Listening to ''Heartbeats'', by Jose González (Play Count: 7)
Listening to ''Stay In The Shade'', by Jose González (Play Count: 6)

I missed this Monday, that is skipped writing an entry. I am sure everyone who checks this was upset to not find ten thousand words to read. Mary has been in town, which has been really great and fun, and it was the 4th of July. I hope that everyone got a chance to see some fireworks, it is a great pastime. I love to be oohed and awed by the colours and sounds, as well as the little kids we got to watch them with this year, who were priceless. Also I am glad to be an American and to have had the privilege of being born here. We may have our short comings but it is a great nation and being part of it affords us opportunities to help others and add our mark on the world in ways many people do not so readily get. Anyway, hope everyone enjoyed their long weekend, and the people they spent it with, until next time....