Originally Written on Saturday February the 18th 2005 - 11:59 AM

When one says "I love you" they believe that they are assigning a context within it toward the person they address. For example, the friend thinks they are saying I love you as a friend loves. The lover believes that they are describing the romantic feelings they hold toward the person. Of course it is only seen as it is intended if the same feeling is reciprocal. I do not believe either is true. When we claim we love someone it ought to and often truly is the same statement no matter who it is directed towards.

"I love you", means I care about who you are, what you are interested in, what you do, etc.
"I love you", means no matter what you may do, whether you will always love me or not back,
I will you, because it forgives more often than it offends or is offended.

Indeed this should be the same intention toward everyone whom we address with this phrase. The associative feeling of friendship or romance that is tied with it is merely that, a feeling. This feeling may define a relationship, but it should not define how those in it love. If we understand this, and absolutely apply the same kind of love to those we do love it will vastly change how we act in love towards those people. This is what we must realize, the principle to love is the same in regards for us to everyone, what changes is who that person is to us, friend or "lover". It is also important to add that the manner of our love should be consistent and the same, but not the specific ways that love is delivered. This is not a call to strip life of personality and colour, but a call to love without merit, and love whether or not there is feeling to go with it. This is why it is important to understand what we are saying when we say "I love you", that it is bigger than the feelings that may be associated with saying it and that the manner of our love should not be defined by those feelings. We should strive to love as we have been loved, a love bigger than feeling. It is in this way in which feelings far stronger and less fickle than we have experienced ever before will grow.



Listening to ''Into The Great Wide Open'', by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Play Count: 3)
Listening to ''Grew Up Fast'', by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Play Count: 8)

To steal an idea from the television show "Ed", the world of possibility. The difference between what is and what should be. How true a concept. We all know in some way or another that things in this world are under a curse. Much like the winter falling over Narnia. Not as they should be. We see it every day in death or pain, in parents who mistreat their children or children being born with no parents. It has seeped in to every crack of our lives.

It is important to stay in touch with the world of possibility. To be aware of how things are and how they truly should be. If we loose sight of this, we loose hope and ideals. Also it is through realizing this that we can strive for what should be, warring against the things that already are that are not right, and then we will be ready to see those very special times.

Those times when what is and what should be cross paths and meet.
It is these moments that give us a taste of heaven and what awaits God's beloved children.



Listening to ''You And I Will Meet Again'', by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Play Count: 8)
Listening to ''It'll All Work Out'', by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Play Count: 9)

(Two definitions before you begin; one, like, infatuation, and "in love" in quotations are different words for the same thing, two, I believe in romance and being in love and all the amazing things God set up in us around these things, I just believe that the movie/television/music version we are fed and even some of our instincts are missing what is truly offered and what was truly intended, but that is weeks worth of posts.)

(Also read this only after you have read the entry Total Recoil)

Originally Written July 22, 2004 - 9:43 AM

One further thought on this concept of liking and dating people; as I evaluated particularly why a girl would recoil upon the notion that their friend or an other person liked them, I realized this commonly is due to a fear that the boy's actions have now been tainted. They think that what he does now cannot be trusted as genuine care or love, or even further, that all of his actions are some how adding up to the goal of moving to the next level of relationship. This frightens them even more if they feel like they have had this honesty or genuine care or love before.

How is it tainted? What is the manner of the change?

I would argue that they now feel as though every action is driven not by choice, but by a subconscious desire and effort to manipulate love. They believe that the boy is no longer to be trusted as they are motivated more by reflex than active participation. If it is not this, than I cannot figure out what then it is, in other words, what else could be the problem with someone "liking" another, it is not offensive on any other level. This, I think, most could agree on. Certainly there are cases, I should add, where behavior does cross a line, but this is usually a matter of appropriateness, not a perspective shift on all actions.


I find something about this curious. They have accidently admitted that love by choice, not mere infatuation, is what they desire. The problem is that, when someone else comes along that they share this common infatuation or "like" for, they are content with it, and all of its gross simplicities. They do not realize that it is the same thing they once despised in an other, the difference is now they cannot see it. They are blinded to the realities in the same way they once feared that someone else was toward them.

Somewhere in this story of two people equally infatuated with each other there is something sad. The infatuation version of "in love" will always die, and very often they will not know that the choice to really love exists until it is to late in the relationship and so they move onto the next person until again their "love" seemingly fades.

This is not at all a lesson on how one can react in these situations, even though that lesson can be imbedded, but it is just an interesting observation on how people behave, and what it in turn reveals.

This is how Alan describes the California highway system. At night when we are coming home from Orange county, and there is no traffic, we usually go about 70 MPH, making interchanges and all, for the whole 50 minute drive home. He is right. It does feel much like being on a conveyor belt, plopped onto one end until you arrive at your destination and then you hop off there.

Neither of us like this feeling very much.
As if you have no choice, only routine.
Point a to point b, with no acknowledgment of all the things in between.

This is why we often get off at Ventura Blvd. or Melrose and drive through hollywood/beverly hills, or down the never ending strip that is the boulevard. This way we can slow down, and actually enjoy the life and scenes in between the two points. It is a small difference, and it does take more time to get home, but it is worth it.

We all have our conveyor belts,
if you can figure out what yours is,
consider getting off of it every once in a while.

One of my favorite things to do, which I did not get to do very often, is go to the art institute. Walking around those galleries, seeing what the hands and imaginations of others could bring to life on a canvas. Most everything there in some way or another is beautifully crafted. Painted with attention to detail, brought to life and then finessed through every resulting stroke.

I am trying to see people and life for the gallery of art that it is. Every person has something that makes them themselves, and that something was crafted in much the same way a foundation of a painting is. Sketched on to canvas in the womb, given form, ready to be filled in and given its colour and life. Maybe this is a stretch, no art pun intended, but every person we come into contact with has something to offer as a work of divine art. Every person has those things that are worth admiring and give us glimpses of the painter. Often we miss these things until someone has already passed through our life. These things are as simple as the quite literally beautiful. The color in a persons eyes, or the way they can cheer people up with a smile, the things of physiology. Also, and more so, since it affects how we view the physical, who they are. A persons desire for truth, or longing to help those underdogs in the world. Traits of personality so varying yet so necessary, the pieces of the whole picture which make sure that no remote corner is empty.

There is one difference from an art museum. If I were to go around and paint on the pieces hanging on the walls, I would swiftly be arrested and certainly would owe money or be prosecuted. Every human work of art we experience we add our own touches to. It seems almost a mistake that this is allowed. Look around though, think of the strokes you have added to those in your life. Some people do not look so much like the original anymore. They are broken and disfigured. They grow up in homes with alcoholics or maybe it is just that their husbands will not actively seek them. Slowly they start to change, with every brush stroke coloring who they are. We all have some of these careless brush strokes. Then there are others who have become much more. The amount of detail and nuance is obvious, whoever has added to this work really cared, whether other people or God. There is hope for those who have been disfigured, the best parts of who they are painted over with black. God will fully restore them one day. I have in my mind an image of a master restoration artist, taking off years of dirt and fixing the cracks in paint and canvas, careful to not miss a single imperfection, always knowing what is needed next. Some of us he will use to start this work now. To start to bring his prized works back to how they were originally made.

Start to look for the beautiful art in those people which are put in your life,
and be aware that not only are we each works of God,
but he has given each of us a brush, and some instructions on technique...

Paint wisely.




Listening to ''Let it Ride'', by Ryan Adams & The Cardinals (Play Count: 4)

Originally Written July 19, 2004 - 10:14 PM

Have you ever noticed that when a boy or girl thinks that someone likes them as "more than merely a friend" they tend to try and remove themselves from the relationship in order to throw water on this perceived fire that is a risk to the status quo?

Just a thought. Has it ever occurred to the boy or girl recoiling in a relationship, once they believe that it has been comprised by the other person "liking" them, that the act of recoiling may often provide a different than desired effect. Thinking further of this notion of removal or withdrawal as a means of dispelling the notion of the like or love, it seems to me that it prevents the intended effect from ever getting its already weak wings off of the ground. You see, the person who has caused this reaction will undoubtedly notice this unhealthy turn. Initially it would seem that this sort of behavior works. Unfortunately, this does not make the person who has experienced the withdrawal forget about the other person. For a time they will be an even greater subject of thought and concern as the person wonders what happened to their friend. As one might expect eventually this behavior will not merely stop the other person from "liking" them, it will produce contempt. In part this is due to the extra time they feel they wasted worrying about the other person, and then because they feel betrayed that someone they admired could treat them or anyone in such a way. It is upon this reaction that the seeming desired effect is had, but at a cost greater than anticipated. For it is now the person who once "liked", who dislikes or even despises the other. It is this side effect, this damage that is often, gravely so, irreversible and un-forseen. Here is my point. Think twice on how you react to people. Make sure that what you do, is really what you want to do, who you want to be, and is in line then with the decisions you make.

How should one behave if someone likes you and you do not them in that way?
Wait it out as a friend. You have nothing to lose. I promise they will not trick you into dating them. At the least you will not have contributed to hurting someone, and likely in the end you will have a friend who you can laugh about the situation with in a few years. It may not be easy, but it is always better to err on the side of loving behavior, not mere instinctual idiocy.


p.s. - Next Monday will be one further continuation on these thoughts of relationships, friends and love. I think that next weeks idea is deeper and actually quite a bit more interesting. Also I apologize for the title, it was so bad I had to use it. (Like total recall the film a few yers back)

I had an entry all thought through for today, this was yesterday morning when the idea dawned on me, but I failed to commit it effectively to memory and now have not a clue what I wanted to write about.

I do want to say hello to those of you who check this occasionally and read it.

Thank you for doing so. It means a lot to me.

If you would like to write anything in the comments of this entry, just to say that you visited or give any feedback about the blog, that would be a fun use of an entry. Sort of a talk back / guest book type thing. It does not matter if we know you are not if you have found this link from somewhere else, or if we have not talked in a while.

We are going to the beach for the first time this season. This is very exciting.
Plus this year we have boogie boards, so we get to try those out.

Anyway, maybe I will remember what I was going to write and get it ready for next week.
Its probably better anyway, I think I needed to just speak as me and not someone writing out philosophy, that way it makes this whole thing a bit more human and less like a book, and to give those of you who do read this a break from my over active brain.

Have a great weekend!

Listening to ''Lyla'', by Oasis (Play Count: 2)
Listening to ''Blue Orchid'', by The White Stripes (Play Count: 2)

How do we properly evaluate risk?

We are taught that we should weigh the pro's and con's and then see which way the scale tips and judge based on which side is heavier. Another way of putting, in terms of investing, does the chance or size of the reward outweigh the risk.

It seems often what we miss is that both sides need legitimate reasons. Let me explain.
Recently I realized that I tend to look at a situation and in reality there is only an upside, but I cannot act on it. I cannot take the risk. There are no drawbacks. There is, however, my overactive imagination, insecurities and fears. I am not finding that the risk is to great, I find that my own self interests are to strong. This is true for me in relationships, the stock market, and in music. I take the easiest path, the road with no hill in the middle of it. I never have to really do much, but I never can look out from the top and enjoy the view.

I can live with not being a success at music and at the stock market because of this.
I cannot live with it when it comes to relationships. This is why I even write this now.
I am growing tired of irrational selfish thoughts controlling my days. Certainly I go through phases as anyone does but there is room for permanent growth. These fears are incredibly powerful, some built up after years of training, and practice. Fears that stem from 6th grade to the end of high school. Trained to walk fine lines, careful not to step over the psychological lines and barriers. Here is a basic one, rejection. Fear that investing to much will leave to much of my real self to be said no to. This is ridiculous though. It should not matter if I face the chance of rejection, especially when it inhibits my ability to love and be a friend.

Of course I have made progress in life. Most people do, and I am a far different person than I was in 6th grade or in high school. Here is the real problem, and the real frustration. I am constantly upgrading my minimum. Figuring out what is within reason, instead of living truly and boldly, from who I am and where I am going, I choose three steps ago or what I learned last year. It is progressive compared to where I was once upon a time, but for where I am now it is just sad. So I wait until someone is a close friend to really start to love them how we are called to, and then with those who are already close I keep a nice status quo, only investing more when it seems it is absolutely necessary. That is not truly loving, and it certainly cannot be described as anything beyond ordinary. This is the worst part, there is nothing to lose. It is a promise I believe in to my core. That the reward of the investment is not even comparable to the risk of self. After all this is what I am after, getting to a place where I am no longer so concerned with myself, but I am deeply linked with the concerns of others. Where my desires for self preservation, for being seen as normal, are outweighed greatly in the scales of my heart by the desire to see the wants and needs of those around me filled. To see that others are growing and coming to more life. It is when we live like this that there is nothing to lose, nothing to lose but ourselves, which is a price that I am honored and willing to pay. The first step is taking the first step, headed in the only direction that I know I can.

Originally written on Monday - July 19, 2004 9:21 AM

There is a tendency among friends to discuss the problems of those within their common circle. There is, of course, often a benefit to this. Discussing flaws and weaknesses of a person can help in loving them and forgiving them for where they fall short. It is not automatically merely gossip as the taboo christian mindset would have one think. Especially as gossip is usually rumoured to be true, not known to be and is discussed not among friends but among acquaintances. There is one problem I have observed though, and the line between this common mindset and the proper is finer than that of many other issues. This is because it boils down to one of the most basic human fights. The problem is that we often take into account the faults of the person as merit for how much friendship or love they deserve. We base this on what we find admirable in them or what we find to be monstrous about them. It is all to easy a mistake to make, it is very easy to find ourselves doing this, and it is likely we all have. Think about it, I know I have been in situations where I have thought or heard others say, "because of this fault of theirs, because they tend not to verbally show appreciation," lets say, "I cannot be friends with them like I used to be anymore." or ironically, "They are so self minded that my needs are not being met."

The only answer is to keep our eyes open and hearts pliable toward any person. It occurs to me on thinking of this further that not one of us are deserving of love. Love in its truest form is always full of grace and forgiveness, it has to be to work, otherwise, we cannot love and will not be loved. We should then extend the grace of love we have received to those who are in our lives. Now for an unpopular idea. If you feel you have not been loved, I am sorry, but it is all the more reason to extend love, if you are capable, to those around you. You know what the absence of love from others feels like, and although you should not do it for this reason, I promise that the return ultimately always exceeds the investment.

Let us love then without ceasing, or put up a fight to at least try.
Most of all, let us love people in spite of their faults, and even love because of them.



Listening to ''Champagne Supernova'', covered by Matt Pond PA (Play Count: 4)

Yesterday Alan and I were at the mall in Northridge to get DVD's from the Apple store. Malls are fantastic for people watching, which is my classic phrase to describe the act of observing human behavior. We were only there for a short time, and we were just walking through to the store and back out to the car. On our way back through the mall we passed this girl, she could not have been much older or younger than us. She was sitting at her kiosk slouched over a little bit, listening to music on headphones, and she just watched Alan and I passed, like literally turned her head and watched. I realize it sounds like she could have been creepy but it is not one of those stories. She did look beat though. Totally beat by life. Like the only thing she did was sit at that kiosk, selling cheap necklaces. In my estimation, there was a deep sadness in her face and eyes. Alan and I talked about it almost the whole way to the car, because it shook us. You see, this young woman would have been quite attractive, if she had been smiling. If she had a heart that was truly alive, and the posture of a woman who knows what she is worth. If because of these things she sat there waiting to see what the day would bring her, ready to offer herself, even if it was only at a kiosk in a mall. This was not the case, and to see this was upsetting. It is evidence of a world not right. Proof that redemption is real, and on the flip side so is hurt, pain, and all those little cuts that tear at our hearts every day.

I guess why I am writing this is that for at least the moments when we saw this person, she was not pretending. Most people know the hurt and pain, and know on their own they cannot truly put a dent in it, so they bury it, they hide it away. They laugh, dress up and flirt constantly. It is just something to think about. If we can notice the damage around us, even among the great actors, we can pray for and look for ways to help toward the healing. After all, if you cannot even tell where someone is cut, you will never be able to stop the bleeding and sew them up.



Listening to ''Galleria'', by Phantom Planet (Play Count: 4)
Listening to ''At the Mall'', by Pansy Division (Play Count: 1)

Originally written on Thursday June 24 2004 - 10:04 PM

As I was watching footage tonight from our trip out to CA I realized something about the way most of us view life and God. When things do not go exactly the way we planned or our way, we choose to believe that it is taking the road less traveled and imagine that in this we are completing God's will. The problem is that this is reactionary living. Instead of actively pursuing God's will and what we know we should do, we let the chips fall where they may and then call the disappointing outcome divinity. After all, God wants us to do what he wants, which must be depressing and unnecessarily difficult. We are talking about a God who won't even let us have fun, who keeps us from doing anything we want.

I wonder which Bible people read.
I wonder who this Jesus people claim to know is, who seems more law maker than life giver.

The very real Jesus wants us to do his will, which is to live out what we were created for. When we do this we will never have to blame our disappointment on the straight and narrow. No one thinks that it will be easy, but we have missed or not taken seriously the promise that no man can imagine what God is weaving together for us. Maybe the road less traveled is also the idea least naturally thought of. It is becoming who we were truly meant to be and heading towards that everyday, knowing that we are loved extravagantly and given life, and because of this we return it in kind to God and those around us.