Listening to ''Do You Belive In Magic'', by The Lovin' Spoonful
and ''Summer in the City'', by The Lovin' Spoonful.

I have a confession to make. I bought a kite. After about a year of threats like, "just you wait and see, I will buy a kite!" and "oh yea, you won't be laughing so hard when I have a kite!", I did it. Now the reason I am confessing this is that Alan wants to post new pictures of an afternoon where the kite was flown, so I thought I would write about the kite flying. I was trying to think of some life lesson that I could somehow draw from the experience, some way it could be a great analogy, I have nothing, not at least anything that would not be quite a great stretch. Instead you can hear the week of kite flying in review.

I ordered the kite from coastalkites.com, it is a parafoil kite ( parafoil 2 on the site ) which when folded up fits snugly in ones pocket, which is great for me because I want to fly the kite with minimal obtrusiveness as I walk around with it before and after the flying. The day after it arrives we go out and get it in the air. I must say it is quite lethargically therapeutic, especially after a day of watching numbers on a screen. We get it out maybe 75 feet, fly it for 20 minutes, it is fun as well because it does take allot of work but you do have help it out sometimes if wind dies or is to strong. If you do not let it out when wind is strong it will get tossed and do all sorts of crazy stuff, which is exciting but not good for stability after a while. If it gets to weak you have to bring it in or tug the line a few times to get some resistance and wind into the foils. Anyway, this kite comes with 500ft of line, so you can imagine that we would soon become bored with 75 ft. A few days later, we take the kite out again, the wind is strong and even, we float it out farther, the 12 foot tails become quite tiny, we wonder how far out we got it, so when we get back inside I begin to measure. 195 ft. This is the afternoon when the pictures are from. This was quite an achievement I thought. I made a bet to myself that I could be happy with that for a while. I lost. The next time we went out the wind was perfect, solid, strong and it seemed to naturally take the kite out with every gust, which is what you want. At first we got it out past where I marked the line, must have been at around 350 ft. Alan went down the hill to see how far away it looked and then we switched. Upon arriving back we decided that the wind was strong enough and that there was so little line left that we might as well let it all out. 500 ft. Those 12 foot tails now look like they were the size of the top third of a finger, which of course we stood arms out, measuring. It is a little bit of blur now, I think I may have gone over to see how far it looked at this distance, or something, but knowing how long it would take to bring in 500 ft. on a 3 inch. spool with no winder, Alan started to take it in. All of a sudden, wind dies on ground / hill level. We were in luck it seemed, the wind up at the kite was still going strong. Well that did not last long. The kite fell straight out of the sky at around 425 ft. out. I had to pull in the line, which created a big fake knot, no real loops tied but still a pain. Alan went to make sure it was not in someone's back yard at the bottom of the hill. We got the kite back and then spent two days trying to untangle the line, ended up having to cut some of it, which may good if it prevents us from trying to break distance records in the future.

In the end, I give kite flying a thumbs up. Sometimes it is those activities that we have not done since we were children that make the best fun when we are not supposed to be anymore. I never want to be bored with a sunset, vanilla ice cream on a cone from McDonalds, or looking out the car window at mountains through a pass, it is these tiny things that keep us in awe of the world God made for us, and then, who He is.

Listening to ''Redemption's Son'', by Joseph Arthur (the song on the album)

--- This is not one of my better thoughts, but I recently was feeling like I wanted to be the one to help someone out, help in the philosophical/truth part of life. When someone else helps someone along the way in life who is a friend of mine I am happy for the truth they get to hear, but part of me is far to upset that it was not me who helped. So I was reading through old ideas for this monday and this shot off the page, because I wrote it a year ago and most likely it will be written to me for years to come.

Originally written Friday, June 11 , 2004...

It has occurred to me that as humans we spend allot of time trying to prove what we believe to be true of ourselves, true of our character and intelligence. This is a strange thing to do. It really has no place except as a part of pride. It is a waste of our time and it can devour us as a constant worry. "Do people ever notice who I am? Well I better make sure they do."

To put it simply let us use an example: often I find myself wanting to prove I'm right and in the rightness, smart and/or wise. My attempts to do so seem to often put people off to what I am saying and off to me as a person. They may not know it but I believe they are reacting to this exercise in ego and the reaction is to not feed the ego. They certainly neither add anything to or validate my smartness or wiseness, if I have any, and they never could how I want anyway. If you are talented you do not have to prove it to make it true. If you are a smart and wise person, no amount of people knowing or not will make it true or not. If you are a brilliant musician or painter, no amount of people thinking you are will change the truth of it or validate it either. The question then becomes, is there worth in the instances we behave in this way. It does not change the facts, and it may hurt our chances of being received well. I ought to refrain from such petty flexing of intellect.

Listening to ''Sway'', by The Perishers (Play Count: 22)

There are days when it seems like a curse that we are ourselves. We wonder if we are destined to make the same poor decisions or hurt people the same way for the rest of our days on this earth. There isn't anything any person could say that would likely make a difference, we are convinced, sold on the idea. Even thinking this way about ourselves reaffirms it. "Why can't I ever get over this? Why do I always pity myself?" We are either not smart enough or to smart. We don't risk enough and when we do it is the wrong place or time for it. We aren't pretty or handsome enough, not really a flip side to that one. All the while we believe the people around us are doing fine, they have it together, and even if they do not, its not like they are me, or they'd be screwed too. You know what the real killer is, in some fashion it is all true. I have no cute remedy, no sunday school pep talk. Just this thought. It has been said of God that nothing can separate us from his love for us. Not men, not angels or demons, life or death, not anything we can imagine or anything that has not yet been thought of by men.

Nothing.

What have we missed?

Listening to ''Feel Good Inc.'', by Gorillaz (Play Count: 8)
and getting a second straight mention in Annemarie's livejournal does make me feel special.


Freedom is vastly misunderstood in our society. Part of this comes from the American ideal of freedom. We live in a land where we should be able to do what ever we want as long as it "does not hurt other people", and even that can have some scary definitions. I believe that part of the disfunction also comes from human nature. We want to act on everything we desire. It is in large part how we are built, with desires, but because of the state of human affairs often these desires are not healthy for us or those around us. Here is the problem, we believe freedom is saying yes, and in effect doing whatever we wish, whatever we want. This is not true freedom. True freedom is half saying yes and half saying no. If we constantly give in to every feeling and thought than we are in fact slaves to our selves. We all in some way realize this, for example, if we want to drive a car off the road just to see what it is like, we will not, knowing the damage it will cause. This example is to obvious though. To often it is not so easy. Our better judgement takes a back seat as our insticts take us down roads we may have once thought an impossibility to find ourselves on. For most the giving in, the saying yes to nearly everything, comes in relationships, it comes in food, in lust and sex, in drug use, in our choice of words, in anything we feel entitled to, you get the picture. I would argue that we have rightfully learned that freedom should have a desired place in our living. This is the sad part, that I and so many others live no where near true freedom. I am to taken in by what I think choices will offer, and to ready to agree and say yes, and not ready enough to also say no.

There is one other great mystery to freedom, true freedom. Yes, it is true we must learn to say no to desires that are not good, to instincts that would have us living by some spur of the moment, religion of self-fulfillment, but there is a deeper mystery in this. Freedom in its best form, in the truest sense of it, is one of the few ideas in life, that when properly executed, you will be able truly to do whatever you want but will not even desire to anymore. This is the goal, such a perspective shift that our hearts change, and by God's grace they do and will change.

May true freedom find its way into every one of our lives, so that we are no longer a slave to any idea or person, including self, but are free in the one who made us.

Listening to ''Legendary'', by Lou Barlow (Play Count: 2)

Originally written on Thursday, July 15 2004 at 9:04 PM.

It has occurred to me that, as I have grown older, I more quickly realize and want to remember past moments that I have grown fond of. Which is to say that the people or places of past seasons come to a place of fondness sooner than they once did. These are the past moments which we wish we could return to presently. I used to find that it took two or three autumns to find an experience from two or three years ago memorable. Right now I find myself missing last fall. Which is what got me to thinking about what has changed with age, that I now take less time to realize that I miss a period of time. It seems with age comes the realization that we do not have forever to live and that good things are due to not last, so we would be wise to appreciate the past sooner. Upon thinking of this, I realized something rather obvious, but an idea with strong implications. Each past memory was at one point the present. I did not realize what a gift a moment was until it was separated by an amount of time and then removed from it. I was simply to wrapped up in myself to grasp what was happening in the present. We are constantly living in the present and putting it to rest as the past. I wonder then, as you read this, what present moments you will one day wish were still now. Perhaps we should be looking for such moments as they occur. There is certainly a place for the longing of things past, but there is a risk if we never look for the moments as they occur, to waiting only until they are history. We risk never truly appreciating the people, places, and experiences God is giving to us now. It is the difference between living with our eyes open, or merely being a passenger. We may not able to change certain difficulties but are able to pick an attitude in response. By recognizing these moments then, as they happen around us, we can admire/thank God, and better love and cherish our friends and family. Than how much sweeter will it be in memory, having at the time realized truly what a gift the moments of life are.

You can tell summer is on its way when all you can do for two hours in the afternoon is fall asleep on the floor. You may have to go to the bathroom, want to play guitar, work on writing a song, or a blog entry, but all these wants aside, the 80+ degree house temp keeps you sleeping in the exact same place. Alan and I agreed that it is important for us to begin to make decent money, if only so that we can pay for what has been deemed outrageous energy costs. It could be the difference between having a stale or productive summer. I would rather like to have the chance to retain those couple of hours every afternoon when we need to be working on music and other worthwhile aims. The floor will do just fine with our absence, and as long as it is not 80+ degrees in here I will not miss it either.



Listening to ''Come on in My Kitchen'', by Chris Thomas King (Play Count: 5)
Listening to ''Trouble Will Soon Be Over'', by Chris Thomas King

Listening to ''Baby Britain'', by Elliott Smith (Play Count: 19)


It can be difficult to know what we should do in a situation. Sometimes we feel as though the answer is clear, only to find, when faced directly with the question, that it is not so great. I find myself in this sort of situation currently. What I am trying to figure out is if my gut feeling is better than what my brain often convinces me of. It comes down to figuring out if God speaks to our heart, when we are in prayer and following after him, or if he gives us the set of ideas that will lead us to the correct decision. Perhaps it is often a combination of both. I tend to side with the heart, and figure that there is more leading there than in the realm of knowledge. I suppose we have brains to check what it is the heart says to do against who we are, and who God is, and who we are in God. If we can find no dispute, than we should side with the heart, and I also suppose it is what I will do, as well as continue to seek guidance.

In the end, it is not that either version of what to do could even be categorized as wrong, but often times the difference is large. What my brain tells me is the safest answer. The problem is often that the safe response is not the best one, it is not wrong, but it is not the best, especially when someone else's heart can be on the line.

Now I must look forward to tomorrow by heading to get sleep, and pray that in light of the morning more clarity will be gained, and rest in knowing with my heart that I cannot surprise God and he will not let me go.

If you are never wrong, you are never right.

Despite sounding like a bad fortune cookie, there is something to this phrase. If we never take a chance, whether it is due to a fear of failure or being wrong, than we never get the chance to be correct. It seems we all live this out some place in our lives. For some it is with friends/relationships, they never risk their heart on someone, so they are never hurt but never have a close friend. They never defend a person when they are not around, it would be to risky to stand for them at the cost of looking foolish, and so they miss the high road of love. For others it is following dreams, it is to hard to be turned away or told you do not make the grade, so they never get a chance to succeed because they try so hard not to fail. It seems there is a final and vastly different category. Those who moderate Truth in their lives. Who walk fine lines in order to not be found wrong about an idea or concept. We see this sort of person the most in day to day life. They may not know it, they would deny it if you told them, but never the less, they eat at a table of every major philosophy. There are to many, they think, to many well packaged ideas for just one to have the answer. They never look for the one that lines up with the world around them, with the cries of their soul, because they do not want to risk being on the extreme or limiting themselves to one flavor permanently. Little do they know, real truth is a feast beyond imagination. They have been lied to and led to believe that there is only one course, when the whole meal still awaits them.

Moderation in food is worthwhile, it will keep your cholesterol down and you from becoming over weight. Moderation with drink will keep you sober. Moderation in politics will keep you humble and inclusive of good ideas from any political party of prominence. Never should we be moderate in loving others, and never in the pursuit of God and Truth. We must dare to be wrong, if we are to ever be right.



Listening to ''Yesterday Never Tomorrows'', by The Stills (Play Count: 17)

Once every Monday I am going to write out a previously written thought by me, I will write its original date and time, and make no claims of genius or even that it will be understandable.


Monday - May 24, 2004 - 10:35 PM

Something I wrote on our trip out to CA, which I recently ran across again, read, "If there is no God, beauty is pointless." This is an interesting apologetical thought. It is not so much that beauty could not feasibly exist outside of a God, rather, it seems a curious thing that we can realize something is beautiful.

Think about it for a minute. Think of the last time you saw something and thought to yourself, that is beautiful. Ponder if it tells you anything revealing about the world around us, God or yourself.

The idea lends itself to design and creation, as does the ability for us to discern anything beyond it merely existing. This applies as much to a sunset filled with colour which we could hardly fathom, as it does to a flower in bloom, or a comely woman. I would contend that if we had no creator, no deisgn, and were not made in the image of a being with logic and feelings, a personality, it is not so much that beautiful things / people would not exist, but that they would not be perceived as such. That is the true mystery, we can not only percieve things as a visual image, but we decide on how we feel about it. It is the ability to discern these feelings beyond the information that what we are seeing is a woman or a flower, that should strike us as abnormal. The problem is that we do this on such a regular basis, without any evaluation of what we are truly doing, that we rarely take a moment and appreciate this gift, not only of beauty, but the ability to say that is beautiful.

"If there is no God, Beauty is pointless."


On a side note, I had not originally written this, but have now thought of it. If beauty does not tell us something about where we are going and where we came from than we are not listening. Why is it that we want beautiful moments to last forever? Why do we wish so badly that we could be a part of a great composition of music, or stay on that beach with a perfect breeze and sunset, sitting with people we love, or be walking around a field in Big Rock, IL crossing freezing cold streams on an adventure through the 80's with good friends? We too are a work of beautiful creation, but something went very wrong. This is why we long for these things, it is a longing for our restoration. For heaven. Next time you are in a moment such as these or see something that figuratively take your breath away, dive into the desires and feelings there and find God knocking and inviting you to him.

Listening to ''A Smile That Explodes'', by Joseph Arthur (Play Count: 15)

Believe it or not, I have not much to say on the inaugural day of Alan and Joel's Blog. I guess I will have to think about what it is I want to say to a possible world of viewers. I do have to agree with what Alan wrote on our trip.

I talked with Annemarie today on the phone, and the truth is that 12 days was far to short. I hope that with the momentum of seeing and being around the people we love that we will have the motivation to accomplish what we are in Los Angeles to do. I am excited as well to continue to get to know some of the people we have met here and look for ways to love them.

Also I am trying to refocus on the center of all things, and reflect on lessons from the trip. It is when we loose sight of Truth that we lose our battles.

That is all.