I have noticed recently that humans, and particularly college aged humans, like to "experience" certain things just for the sake of that experience. As if it is not the thing itself which they are doing but merely the experience of it. I have most recently heard this espoused in relation to drug use. This person said at least they have had the experience of it, as if, in order to truly know about it you must experience it. There are certain things where this is true, for example, love is best understood when it has both been known about and experienced. Of course this is the break down, most would agree that love, although it has taken some casualties, is an experience central and even necessary to the human experience. Outside of perceived problems with it and in the wake of it, it is a good thing with very little risk of harm. (Not that avoiding harm is the ultimate consideration, if it were many good men would not have done the right thing in giving their lives for others.) This is the point, we all pick and choose what we think is a good idea or is not one, and often we go about acting on them to find out. Often when we discover that something was not a good idea we say things like, well at least it is an experience I have had. How about instead of doing everything to decide its merit, we think about things before we have to do them. After all it is the fool locked up in prison who says well "at least now I have driven drunk", and the fools are many who, instead of figuring out who they want to be, who they are truly are, go around trying to discover that by living in reverse. Not shaping, with God in control, but being shaped by winds of living with their eyes closed.

I think this week is also going to be insane in many regards. Look for normal post after August 31st.

Then I will be alone in thought most of the time, right now there is to much to do in preparation for Alan's departure.

Well this week was extremely busy again. Next week looks to be more sane. Our parents and sister are going out of town so Alan and I will have the run of the house to ourselves, which is always fun. We are counting down quickly to Alan going/coming home so that is interesting. All that said, next week promises to be back to my normal schedule of posts for the week. I am not sure if I can keep up posting for much longer than through Sept., we will see, maybe when things get less busy I will have more thoughts. It sort of depends on what and who I get to see out here, if I can stay in better touch with friends else where and cultivate the friendships I think God wants me to invest in here, there will be plenty to say and learn. Time will tell very much.

I have been recently reminded of how much trouble calculating things of the heart can be. There are certain things in this world which were not meant to be thought out in numbers and figures, even if figuratively. This has also given me great food for thought, and searching of my heart to do. Why do I want to calculate out friendship, and loving? I think a partial answer is control, and fear. I am not sure yet why or what I want to control or what the precise thing it is I am afraid of. I just know that it is there. I feel as though the obvious answers are only part of the real reasons, so it will take time.

Most of all, I feel as though my calculations have had me miss opportunities I was supposed to take. My instinct and heart said it was what I should do, but my calculating mind would not allow it. This is unacceptable. Essentially filtering out God's voice, telling him that his way is to risky. Even letting myself believing it is for the best, that I was saving myself or the other people involved. Luckily he has used other parts, that are not hiding, of my heart for good and for loving.

I want it all to be released.
Release me.

I think it is important to be aware of our expectations, both conscious and sub-counsious, when heading into a situation. It is often thwarted expectations that cause us to become bitter and upset at a situation or even worse a friend. If we start to recognize what we are expecting of something or someone, than we can react more appropriately if the expectation is not met. For example, I used to get very angry and upset if I thought I was heading into a quieter more one on one situation with a friend, and it turned into a everyone is around, lets go do something in a big group. Now I naturally prefer a quieter interaction with a good conversation, so I often felt this should be what would happen. The reality was often very different. I would get deeply bitter at the circumstance and the people who I thought were responsible. A lot of this was due to the fact that I was not aware that even had an expectation going in. Now, having mostly realized this, I am less likely to freak out because I can be okay if my own expectation is not being met. It is taken from the realm of sub-counsious auto pilot to a conscious desire to be happy just because I love the people I am with. Basically to look for flowers in weeds. This in effect is an important way to love people by way of a loving reaction to a circumstance that is not immediately something you would prefer.

There is one other level to consider. Once you start to understand what your own expectations are, and can react to them appropriately, instead of only on the visceral level, you can start to look out for other people's expectations. This requires us to look, and listen closely to the things that disappoint our friends, to the things that make them upset. Then we can act on that information and be doing more than merely not reacting poorly to someone. We can actively love them and meet their expectations, even when they are not expecting them to be met. We can make sure also to not get angry at them if they are upset and try and remedy what we may. This is no text book sort of thing to go around evaluating, but something to keep in mind about yourself and the people around you, so that you may be more apt to react in love, and be loving.

Alan was trying to see if and how our website shows up when searched in google. In this quest he searched our names, which you can do, and found something very weird as the first result. You can search it or just click this link http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=alan+and+joel+miller&btnG=Google+Search .

Have fun, we did.

There is something about the end of summer and right before a lot of people go back to a life of 100% routine that causes a surge of activity. Life has been packed for the last two weeks and weekends. This most recent weekend we started by having old family friends over on Saturday night. These people are great. They are old friends of our mom's from Canada in Jr. High, and she knew each of them before they met each other and eventually married. Then on Sunday night we had dinner with friends that we have made out here. This was fun for Alan and I because we made the menu and cooked the food, sort of our night to entertain and serve. We made goat cheese balls rolled in herbs on olive oil toasted sliced baguettes, the main course was pasta coated in bread crumbs with prosciutto, and then bread pudding with amaretto sauce to drizzle on top.

Both of these nights end past midnight and both were very much fun. On sunday night Alan and I went out to pick up a magazine for a prop for our shoot on Monday. The call time was 8am and we were picking up Jon Coleman, so we woke up at 6 and then went to the shoot. We got back home last night/this morning at 3am, that is a 19 hour shoot. Anyway, every august seems to be packed, last year was similar in many ways. We had an over night shoot and 50 hours of recording to do with Colin, Kevin and Mike, in the same week. It is tiring but it is good to have work to do, and people to meet, and friends to love.

I apologize if anyone has checked this for new posts, since he have not posted. This is my week off from posting I suppose. So check back next week for new posts, and I hope all is well. We are having some people over for dinner on Saturday which I am excited about, and we also are seeing some old family friends from Idaho/Canada this weekend as well. If you missed some posts in the past there is an archive section listed by month you can read old posts, not saying you should or would care to, but if you want something to do is all. Until Monday...